A Tour Of My Art Gallery
I know some of you only visit this website so you can see the majestic art I draw for each post. Every day I get fan mail from thousands of adoring fans calling me the next
FAMOUS_ARTIST, and that they wish they could see me rise to my full potential and not be limited to trying to make something relevant to some dumb blog post, but instead create true masterpieces unconstrained by content.
Thankfully, with the power of video games, your dream is now coming true!
SuchArt is a game where you can paint. There's more to it than that but this isn't a review so I don't care. In the game you unlock a "virtual art gallery" where you can display all the paintings you've made - "virtually" (the real paintings get sent to the people who commissioned it or bought it off the marketplace).
I've finished the game (the main story at least) recently, and I've made a body of work that I'm happy with. So today I'm going to take you on a tour of my art gallery.
The gallery is split into two wings: "A" and "B". We're starting at "A" obviously.
Ah here it is, the one on the left is the first painting I ever produced. If it's too complicated for your simple minded brain - that's a unicorn. I know, it's a truly unique take on the legendary mythical creature. But you should notice the intense imagery of the unicorn only having two (but very thicc) legs to stand on. This demonstrates how it's not the quantity that's important, but the quality. You'll see this quality all throughout my works.
Another image is that if you look very closely at the top right, you'll see that the sun is wearing sunglasses. Such a profound political statement is another thing you'll see very often with my art.
The one of the right is my "unicorn remaster". I made it a smaller image to strip away the unnecessary fluff, and focus on the central images. You'll also notice the sun wearing sunglasses is more prominent with a more noticeable yellow.
This is probably the only painting that actually looks kinda okay. I got to be honest, I don't know if your brain is going to survive taking in all these paintings that display such high level ideas. The most noticeable thing with this one is that the sun isn't wearing sunglasses. And when you realise there's a true space "ship" (with a sail and everything) in front of it, you can make some interesting contrasts to the unicorns of before that really make you think about the nature of time itself.
Where to even begin… erhmm let's start with the left-most paintings.
The top image is the most photo-realistic picture of the "Pocket Monster" Pikachu I've ever seen. I'm normally quite a humble person, but I think I can praise myself just this once. It's not just that the painting itself is impressive but it also tells quite a sad story. Pikachus don't exist in real life, so a photo-realistic Pikachu is fated to be left in the black of loneliness unable to interact with the real or anime world. This Pikachu is lashing out with it's electricity attacks, but the void does not care.
Below it is a painting I was commissioned to do by a crab, who wanted a painting of the "most important human monument". The painting I drew of course, is of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. You see, SuchArt takes place in 2130, which probably means that Earth has been destroyed climate change and is a watery hell-hole. So what do people use to avoid water? Bridges.
Next is someone praising the sun. I'll let you come up with your own conclusions on that
because I certainly don't know what it means.
And finally the central piece, a horrifying creature, but not horrifying in such a way that the creature itself is scary. Instead, horrifying in the way that you realise that it was a this point that I found out that you don't actually need to use paint brushes to make paintings, but you can also just place the palette paint down on the canvas and drag it around. This really goes to show that even a genius artist such as myself learns new things every day. So this painting of horror becomes a painting of inspiration.
This is a nice painting of PetBot who is my best friend in the whole universe. The brown symbolises how our friendship will always stick us together.
Ah, yet another political statement. This is a sideways flag of the Netherlands that is crossed out, telling you: "No! Don't do this!" Once again since Earth is a watery hell-hole, the Netherlands is probably completely submerged and it's really disrespectful to rotate their flag like this.
If you ever see anyone with this flag, make sure you punch them in the face. These people also tend to talk funny, so they're pretty easy to spot.
This is a commission of somebody's baby. At the top left, you'll see how I
ran out of purple paint and was too lazy to get more, so I just used green I had lying around used green to symbolise how "fresh" this baby was.
I won't get too deep into these, don't want to spoil the fun for those of you that enjoy trying to figure these our for yourselves. But I will say that the "BORGER" painting takes inspiration from a burger advertisement I see outside the studio I paint these from.
Ohh look at this! A triple whammy of artistic masterpieces!
The one of the left is an album cover. I know, making an album cover is not something you'd expect such a famed artist as myself to stoop to. But that's what's so incredible about it, it demonstrates that art can come from anywhere and be anything. And keep in mind that I hate most forms of music, so it also shows how art can bring beauty in the things that don't really deserve it.
The next is yet another subversion of expectations. By now you probably think that all my paintings have these deep inner meanings that completely transform your understanding of our world. But this one doesn't! It's just a nice painting of a forest in winter.
And finally… cheese.
Wow this one is really special. Remember when I told you about the crab who commissioned an art piece from me? Well I wasn't joking, the "Crabux" are an intelligent space faring species who live with us now. Some people don't like this, so I felt like I had a civic duty to end racism with this piece.
Notice how the person holding the gun to the crab is crossed out, but the person holding hands with the crab is ticked. Such subtle symbolism is something I'm quite proud of.
These are also ones I think it would be fun for you to figure out for yourselves. I'd especially take attention to how these paintings have been laid out on the wall, combined with the painting in the middle which tells quite the compelling story.
Guests will also sometimes come to your gallery and here's one now. My gallery actually gets pretty crowded, so I normally just ban anyone in front of the paintings so I can get a good picture of them, but I've let this one live.
They're looking at one of my more popular paintings, a ghost. Ghosts can be many things to different people, but I decided to capture it as the core essence of humanity - the enemies from Pacman.
That's all from wing "A", now it's time to go into wing "B"!
Because it seemed like my previous piece about the Crabux didn't actually end racism, I decided to make another. This is a satire piece making fun of those who think the Crabux are going to invade humanity and take over. Look how afraid that dumb human is of the cute crab! LMAO!
At some point, it came to my attention that humans are afraid of everything. Apparently some of them think that robots steal their babies. I decided to put this to rest and create
propaganda an art piece which will hopefully calm some of them down. One of the more interesting things about this work is that the top isn't painted in. This is because I was too short to reach the top, symbolising how humans have their faults too.
The other painting was made with a flame-thrower. Why is there a flame-thrower in this game? Either way it helped to create the fire under the ice.
Another crab wanted an art piece of my favourite animal, which is the "video game raccoon" (or better known as a "red panda"). I gave the animal a tricorne to wear on its head to hopefully explain to the crab the important role that video game raccoons played in the development of Earth in the 18th century.
This is my collection of abstract art pieces. I've noticed a lot of other people who played this game did abstract art, but I've mainly tried to stay away from it. I find abstract art too easy too make stuff up about, unlike what I usually produce which requires years of thought to even begin painting.
Really, these pieces don't actually mean anything. But are here to appease the people who think it's a valid art form, like the visitor in the picture, who seems absolutely enamoured with the works. And here it is: the picture you're looking at is the actual work of art I wanted to create.
A visitor at a gallery who is so sure that these abstract art pieces must mean something, but in reality they mean nothing. They can make up whatever they want, to feel smart, to show off in front of their peers and pretend that they know something. But it's all a farce, and the art looks at them and laughs.
You do not recognise the bodies in the water.
Oh yes, this will need a bit of explaining. You see, this is the most important work of art in the history of humanity and played a role in determining the future of the galaxy.
You should know by now that I deeply care about humans, crabs, and robots living together in peace. That's always been my dream.
But until this piece, all my other works that attempted to solve this issue weren't complete successes. I spent decades trying to figure out why that is, it just didn't make sense to me - the paintings told people to not be racist, so why were people still racist?
That's when it hit me: these pieces shouldn't be about what we don't like, that's a negative message that's ineffective in combating social issues. It should instead be about what we do like. What we all like.
By highlighting a BAGWETTE, the one thing everyone loves, we can sort our differences. Because it's our differences that make us the same.
With peace upon the galaxy, I felt like I had achieved my destiny. But I still found enjoyment in painting, so I made a quick commemoration painting to celebrate how far we'd come to become whole.
These are some more paintings I made to that end.
And that's the end of the tour! Hope you learned something. If you want to stick around I'll be giving a tour of the studio where the magic happens next!
This is where the paintings on the big canvases are made. I'd normally clean it, but I thought it would be good to show you what it looks like after a painting has been created.
And here is where the smaller canvas paintings are.
This is a sculpture I could afford to buy because apparently painting in this world makes you rich.
This is PetBot's room. Here he is mining cryptocurrencies for me.
Here is the burger advertisement I used as inspiration for the "BORGER" painting in case you wanted to see it.
And finally, here's proof that I'm famous. See how I have 7 stars? That means I'm good at art.